‘Seek not for events to happen as you wish, but wish for events to happen as they do’.
Quote from Epictetus used in ‘The desert and the sea’ from Micheal Scott More
And then the rain falls. Finally. With a forceful movement, aiming straight at the parched earth, though Hungarian downpour in summer comes with an angle. Watching it makes me feel glad. Glad that I am in a home with a sturdy roof. The rain can not fall hard enough as I have longed for it so badly. For weeks. Would I be camping I would either forsake rain, wishing to be at home. Now, being just there I thought it a good idea to make the best of the relenting heat, the pressing warmth, pushing me back between walls that keep me cool. However, each day, at the hottest time, I’d go out to walk an hour after lunch and even though the warmth was suffocating, I want to built resistance.
The new patterns are a strong connection to the present: small yet powerful. Not a whole lot of work went into them, unlike the warm meal at midday, but rather like a walk through a heated forest. With renewed zest a short walk can be eye-opening (especially listening to podcasts and trying to spot animals). Depending how I look at the forest, the walks become a conscious seeing of trees that seems never changing or at least never showing any signs of newness. Now, they do, like the embroidery: nothing new yet very pretty and catchy. And that is exactly how I wanted to get about now, strong visual beauty (that goes for a lot around me). But maybe it is just my renewed seeing and the beauty is really only in the eyes of the beholder?
I carry my old phone in an even older pouch, broken, frayed and without any cord or string that once was there. Somehow I don’t make myself a new pouch but ideas spring forth from what I would like. That is a pouch with a string to hold it around my wrist. Not being a fan of handbags, I want my phone pouch to hold only a few other items: Chapstick and money. These items may not fall out, obviously.
Being with Geo on a parking lot, the heat beating down on my menopausal self, I thought: ‘I am glad not to be trying to cycle to Spain,’ an idea that had sprung up from not appreciating what I have at home, from idealizing past thoughts and from trying to change what seems rather complicated to change. I did cycle towards Spain, but only for 5 nights. Then I gave up. Back at home I suddenly saw clearly what I loved about it.
When cycling or hiking, I take one piece of fabric that keeps me embroidering for a long time. Now I wanted short work-outs, like the walks in the forest and the training in Geo’s mini gym, short enough to keep coming back, so that I would have results quick. It has become a routine that I like and that I would not want to be without.
The fried bread above is perfect, yet rain doesn’t fall perfect, trees do not always grow straight, nor does the edges of these pouches: Sweltering Rain Fritz Philémon, Primitive Flower, Checkered Symmetry and Symmetric, each € 25 (exclusive of postal costs).
