Every burst of sunlight is an immediate thrust of a lance, straight through my brain and heart and the only decision on such winter days are which way I go. Left or right? It isn’t that difficult, yet with the knowledge that neither left nor right is anything to see, I have to be positive and find something to go to. The cabinet of my brain is filled with connections to forgotten tombs and chapels. I can braid together the multiple forests paths to a maze of sense.
Ample paths lead the way to a village none of which I am interested in. I want to wander and be granted the inaudible hooves of deer running away, their antlers seem to be never stuck between branches.
Philosophical questions like ‘what makes us real?’ are answered for even in uninteresting Hungarian forests, as long as there is light. The positive end of this rambling through the mind is a warm room, a cold bed and some wholesome food that can not be better anywhere else than at home. Not setting up a tent on a permafrost patch of uneven soil.
Our way out has only two options: left or right. Geo however sees a third and that is straight.
Light as in the sun distributing her rays is a capsule to any faded winter mood and it soothes me and so I walk. Hardly any other people are on the paths and if they are they either ignore me in semi shock or look at me in frowns. Provincial Hungarians can be a bit odd but maybe it is a reaction to my own peculiar self, walking in bright colors of the beloved Eighties. People in the forests wear green and usually shoot at deer. I whistle and make sure I’d be seen.
Sometimes Roma work the land in forests, clearing branches of cut trees and organizing heaps of small useful trunks. I always meet with deer and the answer to mind boggling questions comes instantly when deer come into view. Any jump and any eye contact with a deer is an instant escape from the mind, leaving an emptiness profound and brimful filled. That instant escape is the answer.
The forest is sprawling with deer, some herds as big as in the hundreds. Yet deer won’t attack, and being here makes for a save passage and the feeling of walking or kicking in a forest, even in the dark is always one of safeness. Darkness kicking over frosted humps with a Petzl headlight powered by empty batteries has charm. Another good thing to lift the winter spirit is singing out loud and have the trees as silent reminders of how terribly odd you really are.
Quietness is different depending on where you are and to have complete silence in the woods is extraordinary, especially realizing that hooves of deer are able to thread the floor with hardly a sound. The quietness can be as eerie as in a sanatorium that lacks the buzzing that electricity produces. At times I need to stop and hear the soothing soundlessness. The rumbling of my stomach sounds like bores rummaging around. The branches beneath my foot soles walking are the rushing traffic of a highway.
Places that empty the mind instantly: these places don’t come easy. They take some time to get to. And I am not quite sure whether I want that, to go back to somewhere that led me to where I am now. Is it even feasible? Those places came not in a wrapped parcel, they came into being by a long assault, where the mind was fully on outdoor living and far removed from a home, since I got none. And I want nothing less than being fully outside on my own curious little vehicle.
It is the light that makes me take flight. I only need to step out of the door and prepare myself with nothing/some food and water and a lighter. It is the light that expels anything formed in the mind, the walls where between the mind lives. The sun is the most potent capsule that once it is out one has to grab it.
The spiciness of an adventurist has to be fed. ‘I think we live in the most beautiful place on earth,’ says German Sandra, who was never a traveler. I meet her when I made a fire and she walked past. Both happy to be finally talking with someone, I praise her stability and contentment to be at ease year round where she lives. I need to have the scenery changed and knowing what the world holds, it is almost a crime for the mind not to indulge. Or am I just far away from surrendering?
I can’t be called an adventurist after the need for settling presented itself at the tent door. But a winter long in a Hungarian street with no social activity nor much human presence can be rather hard on the psyche at times. It is not part of a healthy and rich lifestyle, that much Geo and I now know.
Once cycling the world was my lifestyle, I try to think of ways to lift the monotony in this Hungarian street in winter. When you desire to see new natural views it would be all too easy to just book a ticket anywhere. But here is the catch 22. I am sure you’ve eaten at fast food chains when you had a huge appetite? Can you remember the feeling afterwards? Maybe not but when you have started to eat your own produce, any meal from any fast food chain, especially when consumed indoors, is bad. Awful. It’s like that with travel: a quick grab won’t do.
It’s got to be wholesome and fresh, a deliberate path chosen with compassion that leaves no room for guilty feelings or going against your views. Likewise it is with travel and it makes no sense to fly to sunny somewhere, unwrap my boxed kickbike and kick for a month. That’s like window shopping in a country you don’t know the fashion. Or watching a romantic movie made by people who aren’t romantic. Obeserving the deliberate changes set by boundaries are traveling. The soaked up atmosphere weeks before arriving somewhere new is traveling, like painting, gardening, knitting, embroidering. Things like hyper sensitivity, Seasonal Affective Disorder and menopause are all factors that have me say: ‘It’s gotta be worth it.’
Unless Geo is driven, I might gladly tag along and instead of going left or right, I follow straight (out of the comfort zone).
Previous part of this post: It is SAD I and in hindsight, happy with our decision to walk together in Portugal
Beautiful as always my friend! X
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Thank you Anna, hopefully we’ll meet one day. Perhaps even in your country of roots!
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I think we will meet one day. I’m sure of it : )
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I have a positive intuition about that too!
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Much food for thought. Thanks for sharing. Hope all is well with Geo and you. Keep trekking on.
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Hi,
All is well on the self sustainable front, both with Geo and me.
Keep trekking on is rather challenging in winter when the soil is frozen and the fruit trees in hibernation.
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Beautiful photos as always, Cindy! I too am ready for spring and for traveling. I got a van this past year which I have converted into a camper. I am longing for warmer weather to explore the back roads like a wandering butterfly.
For now though, I settle for little drives on country roads which provide only a temporary satisfaction — much like a eating a single morsel when I am longing for a full course meal.
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Hi Christina, oh yes, a very good analogy, that hits exactly the point of what I feel! I only have morsels nowadays and when I was reading through some comments about long walking trails in Spain it said that two weeks is the time one gets over the longing to get back home.
Geo and I got a van too but we always return in two weeks. For the garden and the stray cats (nah, they are as stray as I make them not to be). We simply need to stay away longer, I know the terms very well.
You are from the USA, right? Or Canada? And you like to skate board, wasn’t it so? In case you have a home too, it’s just so difficult to switch between the two states.
The problem is, once it gets warm I want to be at my garden and grow like crazy.
By the way, thank you for your compliment 💝
Will you be able to go away from home longer than a month and fully detach? I hope you will be able… just like Geo and I will be able to compromise into a choice we both still like, something we can do together.
Wish you a soon summer X
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Hi Cindy, yes I am in the state of Ohio, in the United States.
And yes, I am the lady that likes to longboard skateboard and hike, bicycle, scooter and even snowshoe (when there’s enough snow). Snowshoeing, while fun, gets boring after a short while though. I quickly tire of the cold, white ground and the gray skies of January and February. I like the warmer months far better!! I miss the greens, browns, blues, reds, purples, yellows, oranges and pastels of spring, summer and autumn! I think the only thing redeeming about the winter months is that there are no biting or stinging insects!
Anyway, as far as traveling goes, I’m no longer a caretaker for my elderly mom as sadly, she passed away in 2022. So, since I am retired and now free of many (but not all) responsibilities, I am hoping to do a lot more journeying. I would like to take several trips in the future to explore Ireland, the United Kingdom, Western Europe, Australia, and New Zealand.
When I go, I would like to rent a car or jeep in each of those areas and take my time exploring the smaller roads (I hate highways) and stopping to see things that interest me along the way. Such trips will take several weeks, if not a few months to thoroughly explore each area.
Unfortunately though, because I have inherited a farm of 66 acres, with a house surrounded by a large lawn that constantly needs mowed in the spring and summer, I am not in the position of leaving it for too long.
So, to satisfy my craving for travel and exploring, I purchased my little van in the spring of 2023.
I am still trying to work out everything with my little camper van. Right now I am trying to find a comfortable mattress for it.
I constructed a wooden platform for my bed and I tried a self inflating camping mattress, but found them too uncomfortable for when I like to sleep on my side. When I did some overnight test camps in my van last year, my hips and my back would ache for hours afterwards, probably because my hips were making contact with the wood platform that is holding my mattress.
So this winter, I am doing some testing. I am currently trying out a foam mattress that is at the moment, laying on the living room floor of my house.
I have taken several naps on it now and it seems quite comfortable, but my living room has wall to wall carpeting with padding underneath the carpet, so I am not sure how comfortable the mattress will be in my van with its hard wood platform. So, when the weather gets warmer, I plan to test the mattress inside my van and see how comfortable it seems.
My fingers are crossed that it will be good… otherwise, I will have to go for a slightly thicker foam mattress of 15 to 20 cm and not just 10. If I do that, I may have to saw down the legs of my wooden platform so my head doesn’t hit the ceiling of my van when I want to sit up in bed!
Anyway, last year I did many, many small trips in my van exploring country roads, museums and whatever else piqued my curiosity. I am hoping once I get the mattress issue sorted out, I want to do much longer excursions — perhaps up to 4 weeks at a time, though I think 2 weeks is probably ideal, before returning for home.
(I think if I journeyed for 4 weeks, the lawn surrounding my house would probably be a jungle!)
Anyway, sorry if I have blathered on and created a ridiculously long reply, but happy travels to you too!!
I thoroughly enjoy reading all your posts and viewing the lovely photos you have created and I look forward to seeing more! I hope you and Geo find many interesting places to explore in 2024 and beyond!
Many happy roads!
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Hi Christina,
great, I had the right person in mind then, the very active one, the one who travels on a longboard! The one who has now a home with 66 acres. That can only be the USA, or South America. I thought we lived grand, but it’s nothing compared to yours. I think it is very difficult to match a home with the desire to travel: a home needs a garden and some cats. Travel needs no home and certainly no garden and cats. I try to get a balance in this but that is not easy, especially not because Geo and I differ so much in our preferred ways of traveling. I am also aware that I don’t easily give in: it has to go my way or otherwise I am not interested.
Four weeks is long enoug to feel truly out and I think I would feel really refreshed. I think two weeks is still a morsel, not enough to still the apeptite or quench the need. Defenitely enough to make the longing strong. Two weeks is that connection to the home that makes you want to go back, I see it over and over with Geo and me. Two weeks is also long enough for the weeds and grass to flourish happily!
I had to smile about your reply about the mattress, it only tells me you are fully into that subject right now. I guess if you recreate a padding similar to your living room, it’ll work out. I also know the hip bones touching the ground is very uncomfortable. Or the spine bones, or the shoulders, even the elbow bones. It seems that all my upper body bones are very on the surface since I stopped sugar altogether (not by choice but it was a happy outcome while living in Pakistan where I ate no sugar). Sometimes being a bit fatty helps : )
Geo got another van as well, a bed was already in it, and he has a normal home mattress in it (it came like that, it was used as an emergency vehicle to accompany road transports). In the Iveco truck, he recontructed years before, he built a bed exactly like a home bed but I guess, unlike your van, it is big enough to do so. Sleep is just so important and I hope you will figure it out before yougo on longer tours.
I am sorry to hear that your mom passed away (2022 was Covid time, wasn’t it?). The parents getting older is a very precarious witnessing of life… one that keeps you closer to them.
In case you are coming to Budapest, we might meet somewhere, or here, you are most welcome to stay at our place. Like you, we did quite some shorter trips too. Long enough to feel that taste of desire to explore and home, like bubble gum that is only really tasty in the first few minutes. I remember always popping the whole package of bubble gum in a few minutes through my taste buds. I never liked bubble gum anyway.
Thank you for your kind words of complimenting me : ) and yes, Geo and I will keep doing our best to find ways of exploring together X
I wish you a comfortable bed and plenty of road trips in colorful surroundings, warm and sunny, void of any biting insects or at least, a van to hold some natural ointments of relief (like a bed!). Your country has it all!
I do have a question for you: I wonder why you are, as an American, interested in countries like the UK, Ireland, Europe in general or even beyond, when you have it all in your own country. Of course, I know the answer, but is there maybe something else touching your interest? Peoples behaviour/cultural differences/the smallness of Europe/the close cropped nature of it all/the food/… because I think we all evolve towards that same desire that could be called Americanism. I find very little authenticity is left in Europe… and I would prefer to be in the grand emptiness of the American deserts and canyonlands, though that comes with a price too. Well, come to think of it, there is plenty of differences in Europe and USA. So yes… I understand. But still am interested in your answer ; )
Warm sunny greetings and happy roads too : )
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Hi Cindy, the reason why I want to go to Europe is because of the history. I not only want to see the scenery, but I want to visit museums and see the really, really old things.
Here in America, we have history but we have little respect for it. Many old buildings are torn down simply because someone wants something newer or somebody wants to construct a business and thinks the current building isn’t suitable. In Europe, they seem to take care of old buildings — at least some of them anyway, which is better than what we do here.
Also Europe is far older than America. The USA was founded in 1776 — only 248 years ago, which is nothing compared to the age of Europe where you have things — especially if you consider the Greek and Roman stuff, going back thousands of years!
Of course, we have some ruins in the form of burial mounds from our Native peoples that go back thousands of years, but we really know very little about them as a culture, other than the stone tools and weapons they left behind.
With the Greek and Romans, on the other hand, there’s a lot of ancient writings that have survived, so we know about their rulers, their wars, their art, their poets and philosophers etc.
With that said, I am always fascinated to read about how someone in Europe is finding ancient gold coins, bronze swords or even floor mosaics with the use of a metal detector, or simply just plowing a meadow that had never been tilled before. It seems like all that old stuff is everywhere!!
Anyway, as far as the mattress goes, if I can get that problem solved, my little van and I should be ready for some extended trips. That’s really the only thing holding me back at this point.
Also regarding journeys, even a week or two is enough to adjust my mindset.
I think one of things I love about travel is that it makes you aware of all the countless parallel realities that are going on around you. Different scenery, people living lives different than your own, different histories, different architecture, different foods, different musics, different news and events, etc. When you don’t travel, you begin to live in a bubble of just thinking about your own life and your own local community… which while that is comforting, it’s like eating the same meal every day, I begin to long for something different.
I read once that our love for travel may be rooted in our DNA, as our ancient ancestors were always roaming. For much of human history, our species lived as nomadic hunters and gatherers with agriculture being a very recent innovation that occurred after the last ice age. At that point, when the world’s climate became more stable and suitable, we began to stay in one place, plant crops, and build large, complex societies.
Anyway, I think I have a lot of hunter and gatherer DNA in me, because I find that when I travel, I become very content with the simplicity of having very few possessions. I get so used to that simplicity that when I return home, I am surprised by all the things that I own and how I really didn’t miss any of it!
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Hi Christina, I enjoyed reading your words, I remember that when I was a child we would find old stone pipes where the men would smoke tobacco in. They were so beautiful and resembling a bit of a pipe as we now know. Of course you are right in what you say. Europe is in fact one built up cabinet filled with artifacts. It feels like an open air museum.
I also agree with what you say about traveling, though on a negative note, it hurts me nowadays to see real suffering, by wrong choices made, by the turn of fate, by the direction life took on some. The bubble prevents from seeing that … and as well that it keeps you too much stagnant too.
I think humans started to settle not because of the climate change (I don’t believe in that ; ) but because they could yield more for less energy. Hunting and gathering takes a lot of time, if not all your time. By settling one could harvest as well, with a more steady way of certainty, I imagine.
I did long to settle too, as I got too much of simplicity without ever being able to cook a decent meal, to eat truly healthy, to sit and read, to write emails, to learn new things. By settling I, and people back in time, could actually grow. Always on the move eventually makes place for the opposite, as does the opposite…
That balance, right ⚖
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I loved this “Another good thing to lift the winter spirit is singing out loud and have the trees as silent reminders of how terribly odd you really are” so much that I shared it with my daughter. The rest of the piece struck hard with me too. I have absolutely worn out exploring the few patches of green around me that I have easy access to. Maybe, like you, I can make them interesting again by exploring after dark or by getting down (or up into a tree?) for a different perspective. Also I think I’m ready for a bit of leave-no-trace stealthy exploring where obstacles have been put around greenspace that should be open for people. Tree climbers, tree singers, and terrible oddballs unite! Thank you for this beautiful piece of writing and photography.
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Hi again, thank you for your reply, I like reading those comments as it’s an interaction on its own. Much appreciated!
Geo is also worn out by our surroundings, although he loves living in the woods, yet trees do remain silent.
I’m sure stealth activity in the woods are nice, especially camping or fires or even dark outings or a fire at dusk, but as soon as more oddballs arrive, well… I certainly would feel a lot less comfortable.
Enjoy climbing the trees!
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